0012

I’d rather endure the temporary discomfort of saying no than a lifetime of saying yes to things I don’t want to do.

0011

Maybe having a good day as an adult is literally as simple as learning how to enjoy a carb without also wondering if you’re going to die young because you haven’t figured out how to consume the recommended 3,391 grams of daily protein.

0010

Hello. This is a note from your future self, and I have good news about that thing you’re going through right now? You handled it. That thing you feel you can’t survive? You do. It passes. You come out the other side, newly strong. I’ve seen what’s next for you, and it’s beautiful because you decided to choose to make peace with everything life throws your way. You’re going to be okay. You’re going to handle it.

0009

If you want a more peaceful life, learn how to let things go without needing to vent.

0008

A peaceful life is not an aesthetic

Slow living is often paired with cottagecore and pastoral imagery, but it can be created anywhere. I live in midtown Manhattan, in a neighborhood called Hell’s Kitchen that’s about as gritty as it sounds. I’m not going to pretend that I don’t sometimes fantasize about living in a tiny cabin in the woods where I hear birds instead of sirens. Or where I look outside and see deer instead of taxi cabs. But I know that wherever I am, I can choose to swap my phone for a book. To turn off Netflix and listen to music instead. I can take my time preparing simple meals eaten, to enjoy my coffee while looking out the window instead of staring at a screen. I can say no to those evening plans and light a candle and journal instead. Peace is not an aesthetic, and a quiet life is about presence, not place.

007

Choices I’ll No Longer Be Explaining

Saying no, not because I'm busy, but because I don't want o be busy. Going to bed early—like really early. Staying in on weekends, not as a treat or recovery, but as my default. Declining dinner plans because I enjoy waking up early to enjoy the sunrise more than I do trying the latest trendy restaurant. Delays in responding to messages; I will not be shamed for spending as little time on my phone as possible. Preferring reading, writing, and hobbies to “catching up.”

006

Things I want less of

Scrolling. Screen-time. Stuff. Creating for the algorithm instead of myself. Guilt. Saying yes to things that make my stomach knot instantly knot in dread. Over-consumption. Overcomplicating. Clutter. Ads. Drama. Hating my stomach for not being flat. Gossip dressed up as “insight,” criticism dressed up as “feedback,” complaining dressed up as “venting.” Treating rest as reward. Talking head video. Constant availability. Substack. Explaining myself. Noise.

005

a firework awes
because of the
dark
only pops against
silence
its delight
exists in contrast to
stillness
that remains
long after spectacle
fades to
peace

004

this is a quiet reminder that a blank space on your calendar does not automatically mean you’re available.

you’re allowed to say no simply because you’d rather stay home and read.

003

Developing a "hard shell" is not the goal. To remain unbothered and unmoved is not the way. Let yourself feel things, to feel everything. And then release. Learn to let in the sting of something sharp, the weight of heavy, the sadness when there is pain. Sensitivity is not a character flaw, and crying is not a weakness. The key is to not let these thorny emotions take up residence. To treat them as worthy visitors into your home, but never a permanent roommate. Keep yourself open enough to actually experience your life, but disciplined enough not to drown in it. Feel the difficult emotion. Thank the difficult emotion for its lesson and memory. Then politely show it the door.

002

You don't need to have a hot-take on everything. You don't even need to have an opinion on everything. Read that again: you don't need to have an opinion on everything. Most of us were never taught by that opinions are optional. That we're allowed to stay neutral, to choose peace of mind, to seek more information, to see both sides, to decide that we're not going to let every external event hijack our brain. Nothing requires your take. Not the news cycle, not the argument someone started online, not the thing everyone seems furious about this week. You can observe without absorbing. You can care about the world without having a position on everything in it.

001

Things I would tell my 20-something self

Care more about being interesting than being thin. Let other people be wrong. And admit when that person is you. Your spontaneous decision to delete your Facebook and Instagram accounts at 26 was absolutely the right move. Just eat the bagel. You don't have to do what they want just because they're family. You will waste a ton of time and money covering up those early gray hairs and regret it. Make stuff and put it out into the world, even if it's just a list of your favorite tv characters. Intentionally mess up the first page of every notebook so you quit worrying about making it perfect and actually use it. Venting and complaining offer only temporary, cheap relief, and is a horrible look on literally everyone. 98% of things are improved by a good night's sleep. The things that frustrate you are the things that help you grow. Constantly ask yourself, "how can I make this simpler?" More stuff and a bigger apartment will not make you happier. Sometimes the catastrophe is actually an epiphany.